OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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