Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
