It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
