So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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