i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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