Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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