oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
