remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A bitchslap is in order.
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