I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
