ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
