you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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