U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im holly from the hills drunk
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
