census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
