So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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