Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
