I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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