oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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