it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
