i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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