Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
