Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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