Whats the glycemic index on semen?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
