So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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