So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
