What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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