I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
