How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
