went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
