I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
