the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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