You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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