Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.