I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon