i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment