I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times