Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
