Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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