I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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