Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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