Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize