sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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