Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
