so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
