So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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