I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
