gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
