I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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