Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
