i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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