Got a toothbrush?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
