I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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