drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
