saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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