when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
