apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
