I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
