Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
