Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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